IT’S BEEN HARD to find that grounded place within myself in the last few weeks. First, I was working very hard. Then the house sold, and I felt rudderless and fearful. I had to feel the emotion, breathe it in and understand this chosen loss in a more visceral way than I had before. I believe I’ve been able to do it with some success. I’m moving ahead.
I went shopping for Blair’s birthday and filled a box with goodies for her—meats and sweets,
crackers and cookies, books, bijoux, and clothes. I wrapped every gift with fuchsia, chartreuse, and purple crepe papers and tied them with red and green bows. We piled the cache of birthday booty in a carton I’d snagged from a store and mailed it through the French postal service, paying for priority delivery. This was my daughter’s first birthday in 22 years that I haven’t thrown some sort of party, and it was important that our good wishes and surprises arrive on time. It was a festive cadeau!